How it the meditating going? Is it so hard to sit still in this crazy world?! Keep trying. It takes practice! I hope you are still praying to be an angel. Today is the four year anniversary of the day my son and I got to be angels and save an unconscious 29 year old man, Jeremy Tilby from a burning car. It was one of the greatest blessings of my life. Changed me (and him) forever. But we can be angels in so many ways! Not always so dramatic!! Haha! If you want to read that story on my blog, it is a great one! Here is the link. http://www.
I am so grateful to call you friends. I truly hope that each one of you knows how much you mean to me, even if we haven't met face to face. You are so sweet to put up with me! :) I hope you are having some beautiful days but I worry that you are having some hard days too because the adversary is very aware of our efforts to be closer to our Father in Heaven and he wants to put a stop to it. Please hang in there. Don't let him win. I am not going to either.
I want to tell you of the miracle that happened to me last Friday as I was getting ready for my Women's Conference lesson for our stake. They asked me to give this particular lesson (bringing light and clarity into my life) about 3 or 4 weeks beforehand and the lesson title seemed perfectly in line with what I had already been working on with myself and then with you in this challenge, so I said YES! And I was excited! I LOVE TEACHING and I LOVE the women in our stake. It seemed like perfect timing too. So, I was really surprised as time grew nearer and nearer for my lesson that it just wasn't coming together. I was thinking and studying about it CONSTANTLY. I was researching light and truth and love and the Savior and the commandments and music and prayer and scriptures and and and... I couldn't make it all fit together in a nice, 30 minute talk. It just wasn't coming together with the Spirit like this challenge did, or like other talks and lessons I've given did. I had no idea where to start or end or where to focus except for GOD LOVES THEM!
So as Saturday drew nearer my stomach got worse and my mind was "harrowed up" even though I had great friends trying to talk me down from the ledge! Haha! I just couldn't shake the worry because this was so important to me and to Heavenly Father. So, I RAN to my place of refuge, the temple on Friday morning even though I am SOOOO busy at work. There is no way I was going to try and give that lesson without getting some peace of mind. While driving there and while there I kept praying for some direction. For someone to even come to the temple and make me feel better somehow. For some kind of an idea of where to focus my lesson. While doing some ordinances I had a few moments to think and I was really having some words with myself. "If you really believe in God so much, like you say you do and like you are telling everyone all the time, then why are you so afraid? Do you trust him or don't you? Do you truly believe he exists or don't you?!! Of course you do! You could never deny it, so firm up your mind, kick the adversary out and just TRUST HIM!" I started feeling a little better after that.
When I was done I went out to my car and try and talk through my lesson to see how long certain stories would take so I would have some idea how to time things. I had tried this several times during the week and once again it fell flat and felt so lame and like I had no time to really say what was in my heart. I turned off my timer on my phone in frustration. And just then a white car drove up and parked in the spot in front of my car, but over one spot. It was my dear friend and former bishop, Steve Budge (whose wife, Michelle, is doing this challenge!) He has known my husband forever and he was our bishop during some super hard years and I love and trust and respect him so much! He was my angel!! I rolled down my window and made sure he saw me as I called his name. A smile came to his face and he came over to see me. Of course I started crying as I told him of my impending talk and my inability, despite my best efforts, to write out something that felt right. He said he knew exactly how I felt and that same thing had happened to him when he first was called as bishop of our ward. He was asked to speak in stake conference and studied and wrote and prayed but nothing was coming together for his talk. So, he knew that he had done his part and he got up there in front of HUNDREDS of people and the Spirit took over and the talk was just what God wanted it to be! I knew that was my answer to my prayer! So bishop told me to just get up there and TRUST that I had done all the work and the Spirit would take over and my job was just to help them feel God's love! I am forever grateful to my friend, Steve, for being the kind of person who is where they need to be at the perfect moment to answer the prayers of his friend! And to Heavenly Father for sending him to me!
The rest of the day was so great! I finally got some peace of mind, even though I was still excited about the next day. The next morning was so beautiful. I just kept thinking about how sweet my Father in Heaven was to answer my prayer with the perfect person and the perfect advice and how many times he has answered my prayers throughout my life. I was just overcome all morning and couldn't stop crying and so I didn't wear any make up to go teach in front of all those beautiful ladies! It was kinda fun! So...even though I still didn't know exactly what that my lesson was going to look like, (I didn't even bring my power point presentation that I had spend HOURS on), after a minute or two of unsureness in my first class (i taught it three times) I just started telling the stories of the 3 major times I felt God's love for me and I moved down that path towards the tree of life. IT WORKED!! He didn't let me down or leave me alone up there! I never even looked at my notes. I was just me and my heavenly dream team. The Spirit was strong and He just guided my thoughts and words to the next story and what I learned from it. The lesson was slightly different each time and I know there were certain things that I shared with certain groups that were needed for that group, which is probably why he didn't want me boxing myself in with notes. WOW! It was a so special. I was so blessed to be able to share with these women how the guidance of the Holy Ghost, the Savior's atonement and our Heavenly Father's love saved me in my life and helped me down my crazy path. It was so great to be an instrument in his hands and let them all know that they are loved too and they can find the help they need in so many different ways. The love and tears and hugs and kind notes I received from many women afterwards made it all even more special! Some of you might be thinking, yes, this happens all the time when I give talks, and I've felt the spirit guide me in talks and lessons and I shouldn't have been so scared, but what is neat is that even though I should have just been able to talk myself into being brave, Heavenly Father knew I needed the extra confidence and sent me Bishop Budge! Now I know I can do really hard and scary things but most importantly I know that I can use my faith, and turn it into ACTION! What a great thing to really test out and do! It's a lesson I need to learn and I learned that I can.
We all can. That's what is so important. Miracles are ours to be had! We just keep asking, keeping taking steps toward the tree. That's one thing that I learned with my studying these last few weeks is that even when I was really far from the tree and not reading my scriptures and hurting myself with my eating disorder (
and was generally a total mess), He STILL found me. There was still enough light for him to shine it on me and help me take the next step. So glad he found me! So glad all of you are taking this journey with me. Tomorrow, or soon I want to share with you my favorite story from my lesson that was the last piece of the puzzle in inspiring this challenge. But for now, I'll let you go!
and was generally a total mess), He STILL found me. There was still enough light for him to shine it on me and help me take the next step. So glad he found me! So glad all of you are taking this journey with me. Tomorrow, or soon I want to share with you my favorite story from my lesson that was the last piece of the puzzle in inspiring this challenge. But for now, I'll let you go!
I love you so much. Be strong. Be a tree. Be rooted in your faith in Christ and act in that faith. He will NOT fail you!!
Psalms 1:43-4
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
3. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
Here I am after teaching the class. No eye make up this day! Notice my shirt with the trees. There is even a girl in the middle tree! I bought this shirt just a few months before Liza died. Pretty special! And I'm wearing three tree necklaces. Two given to me by sweet friends doing this challenge with us and one I bought in Seattle from a girl, who reminded me of Liza, and later I realized it was the three year anniversary of the last day I saw her alive (Dec. 30th). My power outfit for sure!
Lots of love!
Sarah
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